THINGS TO DO IN AN EXAM WHEN YOU KNOW YOU'RE GOING TO FAIL

1. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"

2.
Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your
answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO
sure that you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a
jerk the instructor is.

3. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level.

4.
On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer
every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the
grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.

5.
Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of
relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave
the country" and run off.

6. 15 min. into the exam, stand up,
rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air
and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for
another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this
process every 15 min.

7. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.

8. Come down with a BAD case of Tourette's syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.

9. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.

10. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.

11. Every 5 min. stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.

12. Turn in the exam approx. 30 min. into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.

13. Get the exam. 20 min into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Fuck this!" and walk out triumphantly.

14.
Arrange a protest before the exam starts (ie. Threaten the instructor
that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one
hour to go to the pub.)

15. Show up completely drunk (completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mummy).

16. Comment on how sexy the invigilator is looking that day.

17.
Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 min, put on a
white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until
they drag you away.

18. If the exam is maths/sciences related,
make up the longest proofs you could possible think of. Get pi and
imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate
everything to your own life story.

19. Try to get people in the room to do a Mexican wave.

20. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly mascot. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.

21. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.

22. Puke into your exam booklet. Hand it in. Leave.

23.
Take 6 packages of rice cakes to the exam. Stuff at least 2 rice cakes
into your mouth at once. Chew, then cough. Repeat if necessary.

24. Masturbate.

25.
Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About 5 min into it, loudly say to the
instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to all the
lessons all year! What's with that? And who the hell are you? Where's
the regular guy?"

26. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up.

27. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.

28.
Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the invigilator asks why,
tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on
above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"

29.
From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to The Simpsons. Ignore
the invigilator's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you
to leave one way or another, begin whistling/singing the theme to the
The Fresh Prince of Bel Air.

30. After you get the exam, call the invigilator over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.





31.
In the middle of the test, have a friend rush into the classroom, tag
your hand, and resume taking your test for you. When the teacher asks
what's going on, calmly explain the rules of Tag Team Testing to
him/her.

32. Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure
this is obvious... like history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise
you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them
to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for
references as you see fit."

33. Stand up after about 15 minutes,
and say loudly, "Okay, let's double-check our answers! Number one, A.
Number two, C. Number three, E...."

34. Fake an orgasm. When interrupted, apologize, and explain that question #__ moved you, deeply.

35.
Wear a superman outfit under your normal clothes. 30 minutes into the
exam, jump up and answer your phone, shouting "What? I'm on my way!!".
rip off your outer clothes and run out of the room. strike a pose first
for added effect.